I had every
intention on confidently writing a blog entitled 11 Reasons To Not Be In A
Relationship, but then I thought about it - Really, most of my reasons also
fall into 11 Reasons Why Your Relationship Sucks. You people of the non-single nation piss me
off with your LONELY hashtags on Twitter and your insignificant relationships
that make me barf on site.
Most of you
unhappy freaks ruin the idea for the rest of us. Read why:
11 Reasons To Not Be In A Relationship
11. Don’t Be THAT Girl/Guy
Okay. There are two ways you can be THAT
THAT Girl/Guy #1: Everyone has at least one friend who for some
odd reason thinks that just because they made the decision to commit to their
boo, their friends have to commit to them too!
Ladies Night all of a sudden becomes Ladies Night + your girl’s bf Ronny
Ron. Like, how on earth do you think that’s
ok? We are not about to have the same
conversations we would have if Ronny Ron wasn’t there and you know it! – Men
too. I know y’all have that one friend
who always brings his gf to the bar when it’s supposed to be just the fellas.
You walking around with
your significant other attached to the hip, then wonder why your friends don’t
call you to chill no more. It’s because
we don’t want to be friends with your boo and you shouldn’t force it on us
THAT Girl/Guy #2: This person throws their friends to the curb
every time they get into a relationship.
They only come running back during arguments or break ups. These people are the biggest imbeciles in the
world. Don’t make plans with me on a
Saturday night as back up, then ditch me when your bf ends up not going out
with his boys.
I also refer to these
people as Terrible Friends. No wonder
why you stay unhappily in a relationship because you know you have no one to
call since you played all your friends for this boo who’s now playing you.
10. What’s Love Got To Do
Everything. Love has everything to do with it. I don’t know what you fools in relationships
mean when y’all say “I love you”, but if that’s love I want nothing to do with
it. “I’m in love with my girl, but shiiid I’d bang ‘ol girl over there in a
heartbeat” – like what?
Attraction is normal. There are a lot of handsome men and pretty
women out there. But, if you have a thought in your mind to dance in a bedroom
naked with someone other than your significant other… Get Out! Get your selfish butt out of this fake loving
relationship and go “do you” until you’re really ready to commit.
That “Love” that I see
every day in most of the relationships around me, is the exact reason why
relationships are not appealing to me or to most of the other lonely group of
people that I represent.
9. So Now What?
Relationships scare me for
Two reasons: The M and K word. Yeh yeh
it’s all fine and dandy to be all lovey dubby with your boo while you’re young
and thriving… but what’s next? That’s right,
marriage and bad a** kids.
First of all, if you have
been dating for some years now and the conversation of marriage has not come up
yet… the reality of marriage in your relationship is exactly what it looks
like… a mirage. A fantasy.
As much as I have planned
the day to come when I was a kid, I never thought I would eventually dread it
like this. Marriage. One person.
Forever. That's a little scarey.
8. Stop Lying To Yourself… You are not happy
I have 99 problems… but a
niglet is definitely not one. My
goodness. Ladies and gents, please tell
me you don’t know someone alive right now in a relationship spilling their
drama to you every week. (no exaggeration)
Why? Why would I want to
get into a relationship when it seems so miserable? You two are together laughing and smiling a
total of one day out of the week. The
rest is filled with tears, harsh words, and animosity. There’s no way you can be happy when your
eyes roll as you spot that incoming call from your booski; Pressing the ignore
button knowing 10 more calls are going to be rolling in within the next 5
I know I know… you just
sent someone the lonely of the loneliest hashtagged #THIRST tweets, so you
can’t join the single world just yet.
But that misery cannot be worth it.
I’d rather be happily single than miserably together any day. You so worried about sleeping alone yet you
kick your feet and throw your hands up at the thought of sleeping with your bf
Relationships seem lonelier
than the single life :(
7. Say ‘No Way’ to PDA
You people disgust
me. Holding hands, swapping spit, and
caressing each other in public like no one else is around. That’s selfish. Very selfish of you to not consider the fact
that DON’T NOBODY WANNA SEE THAT SHIID, MAAAN!
Is that necessary? Does it say somewhere in the Relationship
Bylaws that you have to make your relationship known to everyone who doesn’t
Don’t get me wrong, I know
I sound like a major lonely hater to be going in on PDA like this. But c’mon, some of y’all are ridiculous. True story: I was at The Shop and this couple
held hands the entire time!! The whole frickin time just over there pissing me
off. The girl picked up a shoe with her
left hand turning it left and right to get a good look, all while not budging
her right hand off the lock she had with her bf. I just knew she was going to try on the shoe
with him sitting right there next to her still holding hands.
Oh and the worst of the
worst!: Sidewalk couples. I am a woman with rights. The right to walk up and down High Street
without having to maneuver through the grass because you refuse to let go
of your mate’s hand.
Taking all the d*mn sidewalk room.
Today, I witnessed this retarded couple squeeze together to walk through
a crowd side by side instead of releasing each other's hands. The exact reason why I had to make this post
tonight: Because you people disgust me
and need to be stopped.
Relationship or not, you
won’t catch me abusing my PDA rights like that.
6. Ultimatums Shamultimatums!
I feel like most people in
relationships have come to this roadblock on Miserable Lane. Why every solution in a relationship is “Do
this… or IT’S OVER!”?
What kind of relationship
is always on the line? “If you go out
tonight with your homeboys and not to the movies with me… IT”S OVER!” – That is
the stupidest (yes stupidest) yet funniest thing about relationships. Seems like y’all are walking on thin ice the
Eventually that line is
voided because the person who says it never follows through. You scream IT’S OVER, he goes out, gets
drunk, comes home and calls you the next day sweet talking you back. You give in.
There you go messing it up for the rest of the world
again. Why threaten if you don’t mean it?
I hate idle threats. So that alone is a reason to not be in a
5. Break Up To Make Up?
What’s the whole point of
being in a relationship if you’re single every 3rd Wednesday. Break up, together, break up, together, break
up… just BREAK THE F&^k UP ALREADY!
I can’t keep up, and apparently, neither can y’all.
point of being in a relationship if you’re going to be single for the majority
of the relationship anyways.
4. Not Enough Room On This Trip For Your Baggage
When you’re single, or
just dating, you don’t have to worry about the struggles of your
counterpart. If a ninja can’t pay their
phone bill you can just be like, “Welp, just call me when Verizon shuts that
phone back on aight!” and keep it moving.
Meanwhile, there’s a sorry son of B out there somewhere budgeting his
next pay check to pay for him & his girl’s phone bill.
Financial burdens and deep
emotional issues is just something you’re not obligated to deal with when you’re
in the ‘talking’ stage. Even for
men. There is a different kind of
pressure you get from having to cover your girlfriend’s rent than just having
to pay for a dinner date here and there for a chick you're just ‘talking’ too. When
you’re single, it’s a choice. When you’re
in a relationship, it’s a responsibility.
Once you realize the
struggles of the person you’re dating you have every right to walk away. But relationship people have
to deal with the issues together and overcome any obstacle life may throw at
them! Romantic, huh! Nope. Not for me.
Keep the drama for yo momma, because I can’t dig.
3. Nag Nag Nag!
One thing I can say I
like, maybe a little too much, is me.
You can’t change it so don’t try.
Too often, people hand pick their significant other based on a physical attribute
or some other characteristic they like about them and run with it. They’re infatuated by this one characteristic
and try to change everything else about that person once they’re in a
relationship in order to mold them into the perfect man or woman. Things don’t work out that way.
First of all, no one is
perfect. Secondly, as cliché as it may
sound, people do not change. I’m about
to say verbatim what I told my friend in a relationship last week: If you are going to be with someone or love
someone, you have to accept them, flaws and all.
Get angry about the things
that matter; the things that put your relationship on the line. For example, him
flirting with other girls or her still talking to an Ex. Nagging about the things that don’t matter
(like your significant other always running late or forgetting something you
asked him/her to do) is pointless.
Nagging will only turn a loving relationship into a toxic one with a
quickness. You steady nagging about the
way his shoes are tied, meanwhile he staring at Big Booty Judy’s ASSets as she
walks by. smh
Most of the relationships
I've come across involve constant nagging.
I get enough of it from the ‘rents, so I don’t need someone playing Poppa
Dukes around me.
2. No Parking on Front Street
The most pathetic thing I
have ever seen is one of my male friends put on THEE biggest front ever for
this chick. Seriously, this dude was the
biggest slob of all time. I’m talking
dirty dishes, laundry all over the living room… Let’s just say I wouldn’t even
shower at his house without flip flops.
But bet, when his girl came in town for the weekend, this man would dust
off the mop and broom from storage.
Why? Your relationship is built on lies. IDK – Maybe it’s just me, but I’m the type of
person where “what you see is what you get”.
Poor woman. If she ever commits
she has something else coming when they move in together. His secret won’t last much longer before she
catches him freeballing. He knows he
will not keep this up when she commits so why feed her these clean grapes
knowing your sh*t got spider webs all on ‘em.
This goes for all
characteristics about you. If you’re a
homebody, stop acting like you’re the most adventurous person on earth. You end up being the person I described in this
blog who steady getting in annoying arguments about, “Why you don’t take me out
like you use to?”
I’m an advocate of just
being yourself. If someone doesn’t love
you for you, then it probably isn’t for you anyway.
1. Afterall, Relationships seem BOOOORRRINNGG, MAAAAN
fun! It’s a time when two people are in good spirits and trying to impress each
other. Movies, skating, dinners, cocktails,
and more! You share funny stories and
learn interesting things about each other. Untill… things get serious. You find yourself spending each and every
Saturday night at home. On the couch. Nothing to discuss because you know every
annoying fact about each other already.
Only zzZzzzz’s in your life now.
happened to the joy? That’s right, a relationship happened. Look to your left, even the cat is yawning at your relationship. Once you’re trapped it’s like your
significant other doesn’t try to impress you anymore. No need to if he/she already has you.
I don’t want
my life to end this way.
I think this blog was long
enough to not have a conclusion… but I must. I know that there are couples out there that are going about their relationship the right way and I commend you. However, most of you out there need to take heed to my advice and Not Be In Relationship.