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2012 Election Roundup: The Race to Hell!

Yesterday was the first primary in a long list of upcoming primaries. The Race to the White House is on bitches! May God help us all. 

Who would've known the Iowa could be so much fun on a Tuesday in January? It was effin crazy! With 99 percent of the precints reporting Rick "BLEEPIN" Santorum was up by 8 singular votes. 8! He ended up losing by 8 to Just for Men's spokesperson Mitt Romney by 8. 8 effing votes! That's the difference between Rick Santorum leading the GOP nomination and Romney. The same Rick Santorum who doesn't believe in birth control pills. 

I thought that would get your attention. Yes he wants to take away your birth control pills. Even you loose women have something worth fighting for. 

Ron Paul came in third and was ignored all night. What is it with the National media ignoring Ron Paul? Starting to feel bad for the old man. 

Presumptive nominee Newt Gingrich and resident evil guy came in 4th. (http://www.kingsrowe.com/blog/comedy/newt-gingrich-supervillain-play-game)

Rick Perry and Michelle Bachman came in 5th/6th. One suspended his campaign for 10 hours and the other is out. More on that later.

Jon Huntsman came in 7th and almost lost to Herman Cain. A guy who's been out of the race for weeks.

The 2012 Election Process is going to be a shit storm! CNN had British dickwad Piers Morgan breaking down the fabric of Iowan's(is that a word?) How is Piers Morgan qualified to talk about anything? Is this our punishment for killing John Lennon?

News broke out hours ago that Michelle Bachmann is giving up the dream and announcing she's out. No word yet on her in the closet, creepy husband Marcus Bachmann. I wanted to take some time and remember the good times of these two on the campaign trail together. 

Sad to say the election got a little less fun without these two crazy in love kids.

Look at Marcus Bachmann's face when Michelle tells press reporters he spent a whole day looking for doggy sunglasses. This dude is flaming. I guess this is how marriage is in America. You fall in love with a women and she annoys you so much you're pushed into the world of alternate lifestyles. 

LOOK AT THESE TWO DANCING! The chemistry. It's like Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey 20 years later.

Stay tuned for more crazy happenings next Tuesday when the band heads to New Hampshire to suck the blood out of the good folks of the Granite State.