Thanks to the NBA Lockout, NBA All Star Week was pushed back a week and fell on the same weekend our favorite Hollywood actors spend the whole weekend acknowledging each other. Now we all have to choose what to watch on Sunday.
Do we watch NBA superstars run up and down the court after a long weekend of clubbing, groupies and showcasing their corny hipster fake glasses look? Or do we spend our Sunday cursing out whoever had anything to do with, 'The Help', 'Incredibly Loud and Extremly Close', 'The Artist' and every fucking thing else that's nominated.
CATDAMN! Another year with Billy Crystal. Shoot me now! WHY AM I GOING TO TUNE INTO HOLLYWOOD JERKING EACH OTHER OFF FOR 7 HOURS!?!
Because of moments like this...
Mainly because I want to make stupid jokes on Twitter and sit back and reflect on how clever I am.
It's a lot harder to choose than you think because I have so many jokes in 140 character form I want to use(Follow @kingsrowe for the #ASGOSCARMASHUP tomorrow night).
Now I know it's Sunday and the festivities are practically over except for the Main event but here is how The NBA and The Academy should've merged both of their showcases together. Because who doesn't want to see the French prick from the Artist in the NBA Skills Competition?
What in the Urkel is going on? What's with NBA stars rocking the hipster glasses of all a sudden? They must've been handing them out during All Star Saturday because everyone from Rajon Rando, Russell Westbrook, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and even Cedric Ceballos were getting into the act.
I miss the old days where NBA stars weren't trying to out nerd each other and were gambling their salaries away and getting lapdances at the Gold Club. Where's Allen Iverson and his throwback jerseys when you need them.
NBA SKILLS COMPETITION
Yo tell me you don't want to see Christopher Plummer and Nick Nolte trying to maneuver their way through the Skills Competition obstacles. I got a stack that says Nolte says eff it 3 seconds in and chugs a cold one.
P.S. Someone tell Jonah Hill that he's not funny now that he's skinny. WTF man? I was sure you were going to go the way of Chris Farley and die an untimely death. You changed bro!
ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Not looking forward to George Clooney's charming acceptance speech tomorrow night. I'd much rather see Kobe Bryant get up there in a Nike tracksuit and see if he thanks Vanessa or not.
Dominate Oscar Acceptance Speeches!
NBA SLAM DUNK CONTEST
I'd imagine anything would be more entertaining than last night's Slam Dunk Contest. Meryl Streep would skull fuck the rim on the way to the win. Would you rather see Lisbeth Salamander pull off a behind the back between the legs, double piroutte dunk or anything Jeremy Evans did last night?
The NBA can suck my Albert Nobbs dog! Next year someone should dunk over what use to be the NBA Slam Dunk Contest.
ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
What would be more uncomfortable than Russell Westbrook accepting the Best Supporting Actor award knowing everyone watching knows he thinks he should be in the Leading Actor category.
Cutaway shots to Kevin Durant trying to not look awkward.