The NFL Blog: Week 1 + Season Predictions

After a hectic off-season that involved leaked press releases from the NFLPA, Roger Goodell doing his best Adolf Hitler impression, OchoCinco sleeping with the fishes(http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Chad-Ochocinco-sle...) and the Detroit Lions, (yeah those Detroit Lions), becoming a nationwide trendy pick to make the playoffs we're only hours away from an NFL season that almost did not happen.

Following a couple of months of digesting every Fantasy Football kit, reading every NFL preview, plowing through the Power Rankings, we are finally here. I'd run into a wall but I'm brittle and don't have health insurance. 

So welcome to Week 1 of my weekly NFL blog/predictions/dossier thingy. Still working on the name and I'm open to ideas, folks.

New Orleans Saints at Green Bay Packers

Love, love, love the Thursday Night Game on Opening Weekend. Say what you want about how the NFL handled the lockout situation, but they are great at marketing the league. The country is so starved for football we will all totally ignore President Obama's big job speech tonight like we'll ignore our wives, girlfriends, pets for the next 20 something weeks. 

Now on to the game which features the last two Super Bowl MVP's and a possible NFC Championship Game preview. Both teams got better during the offseason as the Saints added 1,000 pounds of fat in Aubrayo Franklin and Shaun Rogers to beef up the middle of thier line. 

The Packers basically get everybody back from last season(sans Nick Barnett and Cullen Jenkins) and 15 guys they had on I.R. last year, including F.F.M.H.(Fantasy Football Must Have), Jermichael Finley. And yeah I just coined that term. 

Packers in a high scoring game 34-28.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens

Rivalry. Deathmatch. Bloodsport. These two teams do not like each other. It was even more evident after Hines Ward was arrested in mid July, which led to Ray Rice and Ryan Clark exchaning tweets back and forth. 

This might be the game where Terrell Suggs finally applies the Jean Claude Van Damme, "Dim Mak death touch" to Ben Roethlisberger's midsection. 

Fantasy Football Note: I wouldn't start anyone during this divisional game. Even Joe Flacco's impressive eyebrows. 

I'm going with the Steelers in a tight one 17-13.

Atlanta Falcons at Chicago Bears

Last night, I took part in my first Fantasy Football draft and I'm certain I stole Matt Ryan from under everyone's noses. The Falcons are loaded offensively with one of the best Offensive Lines in the league, a top RB, a wiley veteran at TE, and a scary tandem at WR with Roddy White and rookie WR, Julio Jones.

The Falcons are looking to unleash Ryan in his 4th year as they showed during the pre-season when Matty Ice threw for 42 passes in one half. WHAT?!? 

It's a two team race between the Falcons and Saints for the NFC South with the Bucs playing the role of the annoying little sister who thinks she belongs but still hasn't developed breasts yet. 

Jay Cutler implodes while Ryan throws 3 TD's and the Dirty Birds roll 37-17.

Cincinatti Bengals at Cleveland Browns

The Ohio Bowl isn't as fun as years past with OchoCinco moving on to greener pastures, Carson Palmer channeling his inner Shane Falco and Cleveland sports fans still depressed about the "Decision."

This game needs a sponsor and I propose renaming it the Ohio Bowl: Revenge of the Baby Bitches. It's no secret that Cincinatti and Cleveland are always at the top of US News lists of "Most Baby Bitches per Square Capita". The NFL can show they care by giving the naming rights to the Hoodrats Institute of Ohio as goodwill.

I'm never putting my money on a red head QB. Sorry Andy Dalton, but I'm going with the Browns with a comfortable 2 TD win 24-10.

Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans

It's never a good thing when the face of your franchise has the Doors, "The End", on repeat in his Ipod. The Colts have made the playoffs every year since Peyton Manning was in his 2nd year but that run might be coming to an end. I picked the Texans to win the AFC South before Peyton's neck quit on him so I'm a little peturbed at how everyone is jumping on the Texans bandwagon. I WANT MY REPARATIONS!

The Houston Texans will make the playoffs for the first time in franchise history even though Gary Kubiak and Wade Phillips will try to f**k it up. 

Just warning you in advance that I will go on a killing spree when the following happens. A) Peyton Manning is declared out for the year B) The Colts subsequently go 3-13 and earn the #1 overall pick in the 2012 NFL Draft C) The Colts select Andrew Luck-QB Stanford #1 overall

Texans in a laugher 28-10.

Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars

BLAH! You couldn't pay me to watch this game even though I have Chris Johnson on my Fantasy team. 

Is it any surprise Jack Del Rio is about to get fired when he still has a George W. Bush picture framed behind his desk? I wonder who will get yanked first? Matt Hasselbeck or Luke McCown?

Jaguars in the most boring one point game in NFL history 14-13.

Buffalo Bills at Kansas City Chiefs

As a life-long Bills fan it's customary to feel optimistic going into a new season and this year is no different. But I'm kind of excited to see how the 2011 Buffalo Bills find new and creative ways to lose.

We've endured last second laterals, crushing field goals, dropped TD's in the endzone and to tell you the truth, it's getting boring. 

Bills fans all across the world want you to get more innovative with the heartbreaking defeats. 

Chiefs secure the W after the Bills decide to play only 3 men on Defense during the second half.

 Philadelphia Eagles at St. Louis Rams

The Eagles surpassed the Jets on Twitter with the most annoying bandwagon fans. Last year's war cry, "JETS FOOL", was unbearable but Iggle fans could be more annoying with their self deprecating humor.

Any team that fields Michael Vick, Vince Young, DeSean Jackson and Jason Peters has some serious karma issues.

Rams shock the Eagles in Week 1 31-27.

Detroit Lions at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Last year's surprise team against this year's darling. Awww. This game is going to be so adorable until Ndamukung Suh rips off Josh Freemans head and kicks it down the field. 

Lions get a big road victory against the Bucs 27-17

Carolina Panthers at Arizona Cardinals

This is another game I'd only watch for unintentional funnies. Cam Newton might end up with negative passing yards in this game and Larry Fitzgerald might throw his first tantrum when he realizes he re-upped with the Cards to play with Kevin Kolb. 

Fantasy Football Sidenote: @DionteSays drafted Cam Newton for his Fantasy Football team aptly named, "Carruth, Carruth, Carruth is on Fire" so he fulfilled his 1 black QB rule. Affirmative Action works people.

Cardinals take this one 20-10.

Minnesota Vikings at San Diego Chargers

This game features last year's 2 most disappointing teams. The Chargers ranked 1st overall in Total Offense and Total Defense, and still didn't make the playoffs. That's like having sex with Kim Kardiashian and Tila Tequila but not videotapping it. Nearly impossible to do. 

Is this the year when the NFL realizes Donovan McNabb has been comatose since 2004?

Chargers defend thier poor home field with a 31-17 win. 

Seattle Seahawks at San Fransisco 49ers

Tavaris Jackson v Alex Smith. The NFL's Game of the Week.

Niners get a W in Jim Harbaugh's first game 13-7.

New York Giants at Washington Redskins

By the time I wrote this sentence another New York Giants player blew out his knee. What a disastrous off-season for the G-Men. The only good that can come from this is the level of angst etched on Tom Coughlin's face. 

Meanwhile, the Redskins trolled us this summer with having a John Beck/Rex Grossman QB battle finally deciding on Grossman. I'm sure some Poli Sci/Sports Fanatic has blogged about the similarities between the Redskins QB battle and the GOP's Primary Battle. Don't disappoint me internetzzz.

This won't end well in Washington but I think they came up big in Week 1 with a 28-24 W.

Dallas Cowboys at New York Jets

2 annoying fanbases. 2 annoying QB's. 2 annoying twin brothers. Can you tell I'm annoyed? Even the backups are annoying. 

Did you hear Cowboys LB Victor Butler calling Mark Sanchez sexy and rhetorically asking, "Who wouldn't want to sack that guy?" (http://espn.go.com/blog/dallas/cowboys/post/_/id/4683155/victor-butler-p...)

NYJ wins the Annoying Bowl 31-24.

New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins

The best QB in the NFL up against the Brick Tamland of NFL Quarterbacks. The best and worst of Michigan Football right here in Tom Brady and Chad Henne. 

It'll be interesting to see if Chad OchoCinco dials down the attention whoreness. He came in at 120 DYAR in this statistic last year according to Football Outsiders.

Either way the Patriots look primed for a Super Bowl run this year and it starts with a 44-17 shellacking of the Fins.

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos

The Raiders/Broncos tilt is the night cap of the season premiere of Monday Night Football. Thank God this game doesn't start till 10:15 EST. By then, most of the country will be sleeping and won't be subjected to watch this drudge of a game. 

Raiders surprised last year at 8-8 and probably improved. We'll see if that leads to W's this season.

The Broncos on the other hand seem intent on pissing off Jesus's Homeboy, Tim Tebow. You don't think Tim Tebow now knows he lives in a world where Luke McCown, Kerry Collins, Alex Smith and Tavaris Jackson start and he doesn't?

Raiders get a big road win 24-16.

NFL Awards

MVP

Aaron Rodgers-QB Green Bay Packers

OPOY

Phillip Rivers-QB San Diego Chargers

DPOY

Ndamukong Suh-DT Detroit Lions

OROY

Mark Ingram-RB New Orleans Saints

DROY

Von Miller-OLB Denver Broncos

Comeback Player of the Year

Shawne Merriman-OLB Buffalo Bills

Head Coach of the Year

Mike Smith-HC Atlanta Falcons

NFL Season Predictions

AFC East

New England Patriots 13-3

AFC South

Houston Texans 11-5

AFC North

Pittsburgh Steelers 14-2

AFC West

San Diego Chargers 10-6

AFC Wildcard Teams

Baltimore Ravens 11-5

New York Jets 10-6

NFC East

Philadelphia Eagles 11-5

NFC South

New Orleans Saints 11-5

NFC North

Green Bay Packers 12-4

NFC West

St. Louis Rams 9-7

NFC Wildcard Teams

Atlanta Falcons 11-5

Detroit Lions 10-6