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WESLEX'S UNPOPULAR THEORIES: YOU'RE ONLY THE BEST WHEN YOU'RE CHEATING!!!

 

SO THE US OPEN OF GOLF HAS JUST WRAPPED UP (CONGRATS WHITE GUY), BUT I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE EVERYONE'S FAVORITE GOLFER DIDN/T EVEN COMPETE.  IT SEEMS SINCE TIGER WOODS HAS BEEN EXPOSED AS A "PLAYER", HE HAS LOST A LOT OF HIS MOJO.  I HAPPEN TO HAVE A LIL THEORY ON WHY THAT MAY HAVE BEEN, BUT I KNOW THE LADIES AREN'T GONNA LIKE IT...

WHAT DO KOBE, JORDAN, TIGER, SHAQ, CLINTON, MLK, AND OTHER TOP MEN IN THEIR PROFESSION HAVE IN COMMON?  THATS RIGHT LADIES, THEY HAVE HAD MULTIPLE SIDE JAWNS WHILE BEING MARRIED. 

NAW, I'M NOT CONDONING CHEATING ON YOUR MATE IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER.  I THINK IF YOU GET MARRIED YOU SHOULD HANG UP THE JERSEY IN THE RAFTERS FOR GOOD. YET, FOR SOME ODD REASON, IT SEEMS WHEN YOU ARE ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AT WHAT YOU DO, THERE'S ALWAYS A CORNUCOPIA OF TROLLOPS UP THERE WITH YOU.  I'M GONNA RELATE IT TO HAVING THE ALPHA DOG BRAIN INSTILLED IN YOU.  THE TOP DOG IN A PACK OF WOLVES GETS ALL THE CHICKS IN THE PACK RIGHT? - (I MIGHT BE WRONG BUT I DON'T HAVE A DEGREE IN WOLF STUDIES FROM A SCHMANCY COLLEGE, OR ANY DEGREE FOR THAT MATTER) - YOU CAN BE MAD AT THIS THEORY BUT YOU CAN'T DENY THE TRACK RECORD.

TIGER WOODS - #1 GOLF PLAYER IN THE WORLD WHEN CHEATING. OTHER GOLFERS WOULD ARGUE OVER WHO IS 2ND BEST AND CELBRATE WHEN THEY GOT TO TEE OFF WITH HIM. SINCE BEING OUSTED FOR BEIN WITH DOUSANDS (I KNOW IT'S SPELLED WRONG) OF BECKYS, JENNS, AND ANNAS, MY DUDE CAN NOT ONLY NOT WIN ANYMORE, BUT HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO THE COURSE.

MJ - JORDAN IS THE GREATEST PERSON TO EVER PUT ON SHORTS AND PLAY BASKETBALL.  6 RINGS, 6 FINALS MVPS, MULTIPLE SCORING TITLES, AND MULTIPLE ALL STAR GAMES.  WHEN HIS WIFE FOUND OUT ABOUT HIM SLAM DUNKING SOME OTHER UNSAVORY TYPE OF CHICKS, NOT ONLY DOES HE NOT WIN ANYMORE BUT HE GOT OLD FAST AND LOST 3 RINGS. SMH SHE AIN'T EVEN PRACTICE A FREE THROW AND GOT SOME JEWELRY.

KOBE - MJ THE REMIX AS JALEN ROSE PUTS IT.  SURE HES GOTTEN A COUPLE MORE RING SINCE THE COLORADO FIASCO BUT HES DEFINITELY GOTTEN OLD AND STAYS HURT ALL THE TIME (THIS MIGHT BE THE ONLY DEBATABLE DUDE)

BILL CLINTON - BILL HAD THE US ECONOMY AT THE GREATEST IT'S EVER BEEN.  GAS WAS DAMN NEAR FREE (IT SEEMS). YOU COULD GO CHILL AT THE AIRPORT WITH THE FAM BEFORE THEY TOOK OFF.  THE DALLAS COWBOYS WERE A POWERHOUSE (WE COMIN BACK THOUGH BABY).  I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TERRORISM WAS AND WELL, GAS WAS FREE.  THEN HE GOT CAUGHT, GOT DOG GONE NEAR KICKED OUT THE WHITEHOUSE, GAS IS NOW THE SAME PRICE AS A PS3, AND YOU GOTTA SPREAD YOUR CHEEKS AND LIFT YOUR SAC TO GET ON A PLANE (DAVE CHAPPELLE WHERE YOU AT?).

MLK - MARTIN LUTHER THE KING WAS THE GREATEST CIVIL RIGHTS LEADER OF ALLLLLL TIIIIMMMMEEEE.  HE GOT CAUGHT AND WELL, LET'S JUST SAY I DON'T STAY ON THE TOP FLOOR OF MOTELS ANYMORE

SHAQ - YOU GET MY POINT YET?

I'M JUST SAYIN YA'LL, IT SEEMS LIKE IF YOU WANNA BE ON THAT ALL TIME LIST,  YOU MIGHT HAVE TO SOIL YOUR ROYAL OATS IN MULTIPLE YARDS.  I DON'T KNOW WHY IT WORKS, BUT IT DOES. 

IF YOU ARE A REGULAR DUDE LIKE ME AND MANY OF US GOOD DUDES ON KINGSROWE.COM,  STAY FAITHFULL CAUSE THE THOUGHT OF HAVIN A NAGGIN WIFE THAT DIDN'T LEAVE WHEN YOU GOT CAUGHT CHEATIN SOUNDS LIKE THE WORST NIGHTMARE EVER MARED UP (IS MARED EVEN A WORD).  ONLY CHEAT IF IT'S GONNA TAKE YOU TO THAT NEXT LEVEL. 

 

SIGNED WESLEXNER

PS. I DON'T PROOFREAD AND I REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON

 

 

(proofread by @THAT_Twigga - It took me 3 hours)