The NBA Finals Series Preview

We haven't had this intriguing of an NBA Finals since Charles Barkley's Phoenix Suns met Michael Jordan's Chicago Bulls in 1993.

In 2006, these same two teams met and the Mavericks were easily the better
team, but somehow lost between Dwayne Wade's explosion from Game 3 to 6
and the referee's huuuuuge Mark Cuban screw job.

That NBA Finals will always have a huge asterix next to it. Let's just hope the referees don't ruin these NBA Finals.

Let's talk matchups.

Center-Joel Anthony's Hairline v Center-Tyson Chandler

Who wins the match up?:

Tyson Chandler. He's completely transformed the Mavericks from a soft bunch to a team that averages 37 mean mugs per game. That's only behind the Celtics and Thunder.

How annoyed is Oklahoma City Thunder General Manager, Sam Presti, that the
Hornets Tyson Chandler trade of a couple years ago was rescinded due to
Chandler failing his physical. If that trade goes through we're probably looking at a Oklahoma City Thunder v Boston Celtics Final.

Presti later had to flip Kevin Durant's texting buddy Jeff Green to the
Celtics for Kendrick Perkins who averages a whopping 24 mean mugs a game
by himself. This dude wakes up angry.

Joel Anthony's hairline serves as a worthy opponent. He brings energy
and more energy and his hairline is a huge distraction to the other team.

If I would've told you a year ago that Joel Anthony's hairline would be a
starting Center in the NBA Finals you would've replied back, "And Osama
Bin Laden is hiding in Pakistan with 3 of his wifeys and an extensive
porn collection."

Power Forward-Chris Bosh v Power Forward-Dirk Nowitzki

Who wins the matchup?:

Dirk Nowitzki wins the match up. But that might not be enough. Nowitzki
needs to dominate the match up in order for the Mavericks to win this
series. A couple 40 point games won't hurt.

It'll be interesting to see how the Heat defend Nowitzki. You'll
probably see Bosh, Haslem's cornrows, Anthony's hairline and LeBron's
headband all defend Nowitzki at one point in time.

Do they defend him 1 on 1 and take their chances or double team him and
hope to God, Jason Terry, Jason Kidd, Peja Stojakovic miss their open looks?

Nowitzki's legacy has more on the line than LeBron's. He's 33 while James is 26. This may be his last shot at winning the title. With a Finals win and a Finals MVP he can vault himself into the Top 20 of all time.

And can we finally start giving Chris Bosh some credit? He's been nothing short of amazing during these playoffs.

He destroyed the Sixers, played Garnett to a draw and abused the Bulls.

He averaged 23.2 points and 7.6 rebounds per game, 60 percent shooting and 32-of-33 at the foul line in the Bulls series.

Not bad for the "weak link" of the big three.

Small Forward-LeBron James v Small Forward-Shawn Marion

Who wins the matchup?:

Do I even have to say it? Seriously, LeBron James is playing down right scary right now.

He's finally answered the clutch questions after 8 years. He hasn't
executed any of the corny handshakes or gimmicks before or during the
games and he's making everyone around him better.

He's morphed into Hulk Hogan when he joined the NWO. It's been amazing
to watch. During the Bulls series he performed a mean leg drop on
Derrick Rose and spray painted Joakim Noah's jersey after he assaulted
him with a steel chair while Joel Anthony distracted the refs with his
hairline.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qoxi37vvviQ&feature=related

You're looking at a Top Ten player of all time. Of all time. Once he
strings together a couple of championships you could be talking about a
Top 5 player of all time. Of all time and we're lucky enough to witness
it.

Shooting Guard-Dwayne Wade v Shooting Guard-DeShawn Stevenson tattoos

Who wins the matchup?:

Dwayne Wade. Can we really question if the Heat are Wade's team? They re-named Dade County to "Wade County."

He got LeBron and Bosh to sign there and he's their emotional leader. Case in point 4th Quarter of Game 5 of the ECF's.

He struggled the whole game and then all of a sudden blocked a few shots, sinked a couple three point plays and elevated his team to the win.

James might be the best player on Planet Earth but so was Alex Rodriguez
but there's a reason Derek Jeter hasn't payed for a meal in New York since 1996.

Also, Wade might be the most hated man in Dallas since Jack Ruby for his performance in the 2006 NBA Finals. Look up Jack Ruby if that went over your head.

Point Guard-Mike Bibby v Point Guard-Jason Kidd

Who wins the matchup?:

Jason Kidd duh. Mike Bibby is always the other team's best player indicated by his jersey number "0."

How awesome would it be if Jason Kidd rode off into the sunset with an NBA Finals trophy.

Dude has gone through more transformations than Madonna.

He came into the league in 1994. Dated Toni Braxton. Fought Jimmy Jackson over Toni Braxton.

Made a rap song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v23qtE-aZmE

Dyed his hair blonde. Assaulted his wife. Took the NJ Nets to the NBA
Finals two years in a row when his 2nd and 3rd best teammates were Kenyon Martin and Kerry Kittles. Now he's a 38 year old 3 point, defensive specialist who makes all the wiley plays. He's the old dude at your local rec center still giving out buckets.

Amazing career arch right there.

Mavericks bench v Heat bench

Who wins the matchup?:

Easily the Mavs bench. Not only do they have the most annoying player
in the NBA, Jason Terry, (and I mean that as a compliment) but they also
have the "Lil Chihuahua", JJ Barea, who's dating former Miss Universe
Zuleyka Rivera, Peja Stojavic's ghost, Brendan Haywood and Corey Brewer.

That's probably the best bench in the NBA.

They have to show up every game for the Mavericks to upset the Heat.

Head Coach-Rick Carlisle v Men's Warehouse Model-Erik Spoelstra

Who wins the matchup?:

Gotta go with Carlisle. I just don't trust a guy who spells his name
Erik and looks like a male model in a Men's Warehouse catalog.

Predictions:

Heat in 6.

Finals MVP: LeBron James Finals

Mark Cuban bitch fits: 27

Congratulations Heat fans. You're long suffering since July has finally come to an end.