Nah. This ain't that Beyoncé song (sorry Sade) or that new show that comes on TV. This is addressed to the chicks that WANT to be in relationships but aren't and can't figure out why. Allow me to provide a few reasons why you might be now and forever single.
Easy To Impress = Hard To Respect
A lot of chicks I see are impressed by and drawn to the simplest things. A nice car, a little money, maybe local celebrity status can get you in the door more often than not. Chicks also are really fascinated with guys from other cities or states than their own. No lie, I've had NUMEROUS chicks here try to throw me that moose knuckle solely because of where I'm from. Where these chicks go wrong is in their ability to see past the materialistic stuff. Money comes & goes. And what good is that car or local celeb status without something substantial (like personality or a degree) behind it? He can't promote local parties forever. It's only so long before the things that once attracted you, bore you and you realize that you're being pacified by those things, and you're not really happy.
"Got Damn She's Fine, But She Parties All The Time"
The great Jay-Z once said that in a song. And I dig it. Nobody wants a club rat. No matter how good you look. Men like women who are open-minded with broadened horizons. Being thirsty to be in the same clubs every weekend, shows that you are neither. It also shows that you're content with being around the same type of dudes on a regular basis. So if that's the case, don't complain, because you know you can't and won't find anything meaningful in a club.
It's Your Kid(s)
Nah. It's not your kids at all. Kids are dope. How you raise them may not be though. As I've mentioned before, excessive partying while you have a kid is a MAJOR turnoff. It's also a turnoff when we see that you're not putting in work to make sure they are taken care of. By this I mean, obtaining an education and/or making YOUR OWN money to provide for them. Women who are great mothers are HIGHLY respected by men. Flat out.
The Baby Daddy Dilemma
I'm not against dating chicks with kids. I'm grown and at an age where women are more likely to be mothers. But your relationship with your child's FATHER is what can be the dealbreaker. If you and him are separated but have a mutual agreement to be there for the lil one(s), that's dope. Children need their parents. However, if you two are apart but have this possibly false hope that you all will be one big family again, then STOP TRYING TO DATE! You know you haven't moved on, so why bring along a new guy making him think he can take you seriously? All I'm saying is pick a side of the fence.
That Damn Avi!
If you Damn Near Naked (shoutout to Jus & J. Nelms) in your profile picture, with some weak ass bio, NOTHING about you says "take me seriously". Ironically, these are the chicks who complain the most! They'll be like "why dudes keep DM'n me tryna f*ck? Where are all the good men at?". As long as you have the avi, that bio and them wack ass thirst-provoking tweets, you can forget it. Matter of fact, if you insist on bein' provocative and attracting a good dude, twitpic yourself in a lingerie set that's made out of pay stubs and rent receipts. Otherwise, chill.
"Why Are You So Paranoid, 'Noid?" - Kanye West
He also says "you worry 'bout the wrong thangs. The wrong thangs...". And y'all do! Insecurity, jealousy, and trust issues (no Drake) will drive a dude away faster than a crackhead getting chased by a cheetah. If chicks hit him up on Twitter? Let them. If they get to choosin'? Let them. If they're attracted to him in ANY kind of way, LET IT ROCK! They most likely like him for the same reasons you do. Only difference is you have him and they don't. What's wrong with that? Don't jump down HIS throat because chicks think he's dope. He can't control what they do or like. As long as he doesn't reciprocate the admiration they show him, he's good and doing right by you.
The Sidechick/Girlfriend #2 or 3 or 4
I personally know females who pursue dudes that they KNOW are involved with multiple chicks. I've asked why and got answers like "it's cool. I know my role" or "we have an understanding" or "I don't care about his other chicks, as long as I'm the priority (because you've been tricked into thinking you're #1)". This has to stop. At some point you have to realize how stupid you look out here. Sharing and fighting over a dude is ultra corny and makes you look as basic and desperate as they come. I know some pretty cool dudes (along with myself) and NONE of us are worth the drama. Stop with the "take what I can get" mentality and gain a better understanding of what you stand for.
You're So Used To Losing....
...That you don't know when you're winning. I know. You meet wack dude after wack dude after wack dude. Eventually you begin to think we're all the same. Understandable. But you HAVE to break out of that mentality or you'll never find the companionship you seek. Get out of the past. Would you like it if we weren't able to move past a previous situation and it affected you? Get over it...Also, get over yourselves! In my previous post about chivalry (State of The 'Rowe: Is Chivalry Dead?), I wrote that not every man has an agenda just because he's being generous. If a guy holds open a door or gives you a compliment, be thankful. Don't be stupid and say something lame like "you just did that because you tryna smash". That's not as true as you'd think and you might not even be that hot. Just be cool because if in fact he WAS interested, he definitely isn't anymore. He coulda been a genuinely good dude, but you blew it. Another L for you.
Last But Not Least
Of ALL people, you take "advice" from people who possess one, two, or ALL of the above traits. Am I a relationship expert? No. But I'm currently in one and have enough experience in this kinda thing to have a pretty fair understanding of what can make/break a relationship. I'm giving up so much game right now. Not to brag, but I'm puttin' y'all on. And it's not just me. Our own @YavesEllis dropped some jewels a couple weeks ago (see 'Avoid Marvin's Room'), while Wale dropped 'Diary'. There are many other things that you all can learn from, but it seems like all you chicks do is agree but then do the same stuff. Don't read my post then hit me up like "Chewy you are so right. I agree with all of it. Well said". If you agree then, get out here and better yourself! That's why I write this kinda stuff!
I really didn't want to write this, but a while back there was a Trending Topic called #YoureSingleBecause, or something like that, and a few females wanted me to write on it. So there it is.
And for the record: there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a 'Single Lady'. It's better to be single because you don't have it all figured out yet, than to be with someone just for the sake of not being alone. But when you do feel like you got it figured out, and you're ready to be taken seriously, maybe this can serve as a guide.
Oh and some of you who are reading this might currently be in relationships that you are on the verge of blowing because of the above. Smarten up.