So last week, my homie AJ Vash was BLAZING my timeline with some of the contradictions made by the black female. On one hand, it was HILARIOUS, but on the other hand I was like "Damn. Are black girls really out here losin' like this?". Sadly, some are. Below I will list some of these contradictory statements and then offer my take on them.
1. "A man should never hit a woman" ... *has #TeamBreezy in her Twitter bio*
Anybody that knows me, knows I'm anti-hit-a-female. A lot of chicks claimed the same thing UNTIL the infamous Chris Brown/Rihanna incident. All of a sudden, things changed. It became "a man should never hit a woman unless that man is my favorite singer. Rihanna probably deserved it". Don't be so much of a fan, that you try to justify when someone's wrong.
Is it me, or do the chicks who STAY calling dudes "thirsty" do the most to attract the thirst? Look... If you're half naked in your avi and/or tweet about how much of a freak you are, you're GONNA have dudes at your neck and all in your DM's. Wanna reduce the thirst? Reduce what induces it. Simple.
3. "If you got a problem with me, say it to my face!" ... *tweets: I'ma smack #OneOfMyFollowers if she keep runnin' her mouth*
I see this ALL THE TIME! I hate the whole 'subtweet' movement and wish it would die. I watched two chicks literally go at each other for an hour without mentioning a single name. After getting tired of watching that trash, I just did the two a favor and mentioned them to each other. Then the "beef" evaporated.
4. "Yea, girl. He cool. But I had to put him in the friend zone" ... *gets mad when he decides to date other chicks*
I've personally experienced this one. If you don't like me like that, cool. But let me go do what I do! There are few things that are more annoying than a chick who doesn't want you but doesn't want you wanting anyone else.
5. *finds a good dude* ... *listens to single, bitter chicks and loses him*
If you are in a relationship with a potentially good guy, STOP TAKING ADVICE FROM SINGLE, BITTER, LONELY CHICKS!!! The only thing they are experts at is ruining their relationships. 9 out of 10 times, that's WHY they're single! Try surrounding yourself with chicks who are in healthy relationships. It's definitely a difference-maker.
6. "I'm gonna raise my child right" ... *thinks it's cute that her 3 year-old daughter knows the words to 'No Hands'*
The children are definitely the future. Future teachers, lawyers, doctors, etc. At least that's the hope, anyway. That starts early though. Instead of teaching them how to 'do it with no hands', teach them how to read, write and spell their own name.
7. "All I want is a nice, educated man" ... *dates thug*
Man. I NEVER understood the whole 'Good Girls Like Bad Guys' thing. Maybe I'm not supposed to. It's funny though. Would chicks really rather be with a dude who flirts with death or jail every time he steps out of the house as opposed to someone who lives legit? I need answers.
8. "I'm a mature black woman!" ... *argues with boyfriend/friends/whoever on Facebook and Twitter through subliminal status updates*
This is very much like #3. If you REALLY have a problem with someone, social networking sites are not the place to address them. Everybody doesn't need to know about your deadbeat baby dad or whatever dirty laundry you all may have. If you know them well enough, I'm sure you have their number. Stop trying to entertain people, and hit that phone.
9. "I'm mixed with Black, White, Korean, Japanese, German and Jamaican" ... *checks African American on job application*
Yo! This might be my favorite one! Whatever happened to just plain BLACK chicks??? It seems like nowadays chicks are so thirsty to be mixed. Just because you got a good grade of hair or pretty eyes doesn't mean you can fuse together all these crazy races and say you're "mixed". Some of the stuff I hear isn't even possible when you think about it. If your mom and dad are black, then you are too! Embrace it. Don't be trying to trace thousands of years back and claim that.
10. "Nothing Chewy said above applies to me" ... *gets offended anyway*
This is State Of The 'Rowe, and as usual, the ultimate purpose is to enlighten. Not slander or belittle, because if you know me, then you know I love my Nubian Nuisances... If any of the above applies to you, then do better. If not, Dope! However, I'm sure you know or know of chicks who are losing like this. Instead of (being mad at me for writing this or) subliminally dissing them on Twitter, help them be more like you. I'm outta here!